Service Description

According to Dr. John Gottman, couples wait an average of six years before they make the decision to seek out couples therapy. That’s six long years of beating your heads against the wall hoping for a different outcome. That’s also more than enough time to have cultivated some ineffective and even downright unhelpful communication habits. THE MISCONCEPTION OF COUPLES THERAPY Many couples assume that if they should be able to work through the rough patches on their own without the need for outside help. Other couples experience guilt and shame about finding themselves in the position of needing couples therapy. They tell themselves they just aren’t good at communication. They say that they shouldn’t be having conflict if they really love each other. None of those assumptions are helpful. Even more importantly, none of them are true. As a couple, you should have conflict because you both aren’t the same person. You didn’t grow up in the same family of origin, have an experience of the same triggers, or hold the same expectations about life and relationships. That’s the perfect storm for conflict. It’s what you do when you find yourselves in conflict that says everything about the relationship moving forward. The majority of communication problems come in the midst of conflict. You should be experiencing frustration and disagreement. You likely did not or could not model what to do when feeling defensive, shut down, or overwhelmed. WHAT THERAPY IS REALLY LIKE I tell my clients that most of us did not take a couples communication class in high school. Couples therapy is where you go to learn how to be better partners. It’s not about blaming, finding fault, or laying down criticism. Couples therapy is about helping you to learn and practice the tools that help you achieve a better relationship. Couples therapists also work to remove the idea that being in conflict is bad or that you are doing something wrong because you disagree. Your therapist can figure out where you experience stumbling blocks in your approach to conflict and how you deal with your physiological responses. They can also evaluate your repair attempts after conflict.